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I borrowed £ 2,000 to my friend while we lived together. However, after I had an affair, we split – that was over a year ago and he never paid me back. I just found out that he got a well paying job and a new girlfriend. Can I claim this much needed money back?

He can get some satisfaction
If you’ve received a written agreement, now is the time to wave it over his head. Otherwise, you will be in the unfortunate position to have to implore his better nature. I would find it difficult to forgive someone who made me dirty and I probably wouldn’t talk to them later, especially if I had found a more pleasant and loyal friend. Still, I’d pay the money back if I were him, but I’d probably leave you begging a bit. That’s all he has left now to get some satisfaction. If he’s a man of honor, you’ll get it back in due course; if not, or if you don’t give us the full picture, then you have to accept it and learn from your affair and your mistake.
carloswhizz, via theguardian.com/money

The damage done
So you loaned your friend a meager sum, paid them off twice, and now you want it back. You have nerve. You have done enough damage; consider it appropriate retaliation.
Tim Davies, via email

See him in court
Whether or not you will get the money back depends on several things: whether the payment was clearly made as a loan; whether he is willing to lie and say it is a gift; whether he has been so hurt by your affair that he thinks £ 2,000 bad compensation; whether he has a sense of fairness and is satisfied with the new girlfriend and is therefore willing to do the decent thing and repay you; and whether he has the ability to defend a small claim in the district court. In my opinion, if you’re willing to file a small claim (or at least pretend you’re doing it), your chances of getting your money back are good and it won’t cost you anything.
Edward Ani, Burgess Hill West Sussex, wins this week’s £ 25 National Book Token

Unemotional letter
Write to him to get the money back, and don’t even think about getting into an emotional exchange that includes your infidelity, guilt, envy, or jealousy. If that doesn’t work, seek professional advice.
CanaryIsland, via theguardian.com/money

ATM
Of course, he still owes the money – the fact that you had an affair shouldn’t change that. I just don’t see any argument that he shouldn’t pay you back!
ScottR145, via theguardian.com/money

Honorable Mention
You won’t get anything if you don’t ask. At this stage, a short, polite, but assertive letter followed by a phone call confirming receipt may be sufficient. A gentleman would pay back the money and retain moral superiority.
Sirles, via theguardian.com/money

Double tax
No. They had the affair. Think of it as an adultery tax and find out what your cheating will bring you.
Zampano, via theguardian.com/money

Judicial threat
Do you have proof that you loaned him the money? If not, write to him now and ask him to do so. If he responds and implicitly (or better yet, explicitly) acknowledges that you loaned him the money and that it was a loan rather than a gift, you have proof of a legally binding contract. If he does not repay the money after further correspondence, you threaten to assert a lawsuit at the small claims court and also threaten to assert all costs incurred for asserting the claim. You don’t need a lawyer and the forms are available on the internet. It’s amazing how many people settle claims when faced with legal proceedings.
Tom Brown, via theguardian.com/money

Lesson to learn
Write off the money. Put yourself in his shoes – what would you do? You had the affair. He had to sign something at the time of the loan in order to have adequate legal recourse. Didn’t you think of that at the time of the affair? You could then have got him to sign something. Or did you not want to arouse his suspicions? You just have to take it on your chin and either have something signed the next time or, even better, not have an affair yet.
CoconutJo, via theguardian.com/money

Right to compensation
Perhaps your best bet is to write off the 2,000 you loaned your ex boyfriend as compensation for “messing up” him. You are both about to quit.
Martin Lawrence, Croydon

Moral attitude
From a non-legal standpoint, if I were your ex’s place I would feel morally obliged to return the money as it is a loan and regardless of what happened between you, the fact is he is still owes you money. Whether you deserve it or not is maybe a different matter.
March 8, via theguardian.com/money

Paid back
Actually, I think this man paid you back – you got exactly what you deserved. You forfeited your right to this money by cheating on him. I hope the affair was worth it!
Caron Rohsler, Kent

A vague deal
If you have documents or evidence that the money was a loan rather than a gift, you may have an appeal, but actually getting the money could prove difficult. Typically, “kind” loans have vague, if any, repayment terms and are rarely written off.
Tony Mayston, Buckingham

look into the future
First the question: yes, you can of course get your money back and it should be used in a brisk and polite manner. He may or may not think it appropriate to answer, and you don’t seem to have much legal assistance for trying to ignore you. However, I am interested in the formulation of the question. Is it time he paid you back because he has a new job or because he has a new girlfriend? What exactly does it have to do with it? Is her existence proof that after the scars of your relationship he is finally emotionally robust enough to deal with you again, or is it an insult to your pride that leads you to come up with an excuse for the scab? They say you “need” the £ 2,000, but most people in need of money are seldom able to lend out that amount. Ask for your £ 2,000 if you have to, but at best don’t expect anything other than a check in the mail. Your ex moved on and so should you, with or without the £ 2,000.
Ladyhamilton, via theguardian.com/money

This week’s question:
Instead of sending a wedding list, my niece asked for cash donations for the honeymoon as they already have everything they need. To be honest, the request irritates me a bit. Am i a little old fashioned? What do other readers think?

Email your responses to [email protected]


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